Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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