He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
