Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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