You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
