can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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