How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
