I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize