so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
