Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
