dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
