I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
