Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
