Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
