You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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