Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
