Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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