After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
