When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
