I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
