Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
