david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
