i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
