What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
