Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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