The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize