I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
