I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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