Well douche your snatch and let's go!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
