it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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