I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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