We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Pants 0. Shit 1.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
