dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
