I must be too annoying 4 u.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
