I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
