I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize