Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
