I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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