8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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