really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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