I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
