This dress was meant to end up on your floor
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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