Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
