I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
