Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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