wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
