I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
