My cat gives me a boner
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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