he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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