Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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