I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
