Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
