Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize