but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
