it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
