I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
try to milk me bitch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
