You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
