these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
