mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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