you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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