i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
