eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
