No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
