Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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