i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
