She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
