please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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