Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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