There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
