Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
