just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
