pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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