It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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