fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
