Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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