Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
