my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
