i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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