So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
