I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
