There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
