i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
