i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
