Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There r osticjed everywhere
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
