On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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