bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
