her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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