hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my poor anus
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
