what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
