He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
