did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
