Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
