Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize